Where is the hickey?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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