I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
