I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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