i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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