I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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