the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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