if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
