you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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