I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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