I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm too high and old for this...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
