It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
