In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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