she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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