So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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