Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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