Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
