Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
