I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
