the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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