he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
