Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
