my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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