non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
is it fun? or sober?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
