did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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