Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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