Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
