I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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