I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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