I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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