I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
