When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
