HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
