tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
