His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We got so high we made milksteak
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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