i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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