do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
