he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My vagina just clenched in fear
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
