I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
