i just wanna soil my oats bro
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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