Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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