Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
foreskin is a definite game changer
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
