I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
