ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
