we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
