this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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