Just took my morning after pill in the library
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize