There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
