Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
