i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
