Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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