drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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