peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
