I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
