Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
