He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
