I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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