I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
