If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
