What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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