So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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