he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
