From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
