Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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