talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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