You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
