Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
