My first STD was from a foam party
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize