Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
