She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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